The Water Tribe Way
by Muffytaj
Summary: Katara has been caught by an evil rapist! Only Zuko is nearby! Oh the drama! The suspense! The ... utter parody. Do not read if you have a weak stomach, you have been warned.
1. Water

**The Water Tribe Way – By MuffyTaj**

"Hey little lady," The sleazy fire nation soldier said. Katara had been gathering water from the river, when all of a sudden a random firebender had turned up! "You're awfully pretty…"

Zuko was walking around in the woods, wondering where the hell the avatar was, or his uncle was for that matter, when he heard a piercing shriek.

"That sounded like a woman in trouble! And since I only know one woman, it must be Katara!" He shouted, and raced off towards the screaming.

"Help!" The screamer screamed when they saw Zuko. "Help me, oh kind sir!"

Zuko raised an eyebrow as he took in the scene before him. The fire nation troop had been frozen naked to the tree, icicles piercing his hands and shoved up his nostrils, whilst Katara readied an ice dagger.

"Wanna-be rapist." She said shortly, not seeming at all surprised to see Zuko. "Any objections to me," here the ice dagger cut through the air, resting against the fire nation man's groin "dealing with him the water tribe way?"

"None at all." Zuko said in a slightly higher pitched voice than usual, as he began to seriously reconsider his life goals.

"Good." Katara smirked, and swung.


	2. Fire

"We got a taste of your uncle," the earth kingdom troops said, licking Zuko's neck, "and he was so good that we want to have seconds!" Zuko whimpered, because he was a total and utter uke (No, really. Work with me here.) and had forgotten how to use firebending. Because he had an erection and the flow of blood to the penis meant it went out of his firebending parts of the brain and he was helpless or some shit like that.

"Fire nation troops!" A voice boomed from the treetops, "Prepare to meet your doom!"

"But we're ear-" The troops were silenced when Jet fell from the sky, blades whirling.

"Are you all right?" He asked Zuko, as he gently helped the prince to his feet.

"What the-?" Zuko started the shout, before Jet kissed him.

"Damn those fire nation bastards." He swore, kicking the earth kingdom troops corpses, splattering blood everywhere. "They're always raping innocent little girls." He smiled at Zuko, who was beginning to get confused.

"I'm not a girl." He said.

"Of course you are!" Jet replied, "Why else would you have such long, beautiful hair?"

"It's the fire nation style for men to have long hair! This is our tradition! And as fire nation prince, of course I would have my hair like this!"

"Y-you're fire nation?" Jet sprung back from Zuko, eyes blazing with betrayal. "I trusted you! I loved you!" He gave a sob as he realized that he and Zuko could never be. Fire nation and rebel, prince and pauper – how could they ever be truly happy?

Zuko, now he no longer had an erection, was back to his usual cranky, pyromaniac self. "I was nearly violated, and then you come along and kissed me." He snarled, wiping his hand over his lips. "For that, you shall suffer!"

Just before blazing death engulfed him, Jet wondered where the hell his fellow rebels were. Probably jerking off in the trees again. Sickos.

"Uncle, are you all right?" Zuko asked, untying his thoroughly violated uncle.

"Quite fine. Reminds me of the good old days, bondage and all." Iroh said and, with a satisfied smile, went to sleep.


	3. Earth

The Earth Kingdom Way

From the moment Haru hit puberty, his mother worried for him. Her son was so pretty, had such a fondness for handling rock hard balls, and was so utterly rapeable. He had shown a passing interesting in a water tribe girl, which had relieved her mind of one worry, but no sooner did he start making himself even prettier to attract her interest than she was gone.

But little did she realise that Haru had promised himself that he would save his virtue for marriage (to Katara), and that he would become the strongest earth bender in the entire kingdom (for Katara) as well as become the most handsome man in the world (with Katara).

In fact his obsession with Katara was a wee bit creepy, but that is another story, for another time.

Haru's father, on the other hand, was not the nice, kind leader like man everyone thought he knew: in fact his front of caring for the elderly, personal sacrifice for the betterment of others, and enduring patience was all just a front! Yes, Haru's father was a wicked, evil man who wanted his son's prettiness all for himself.

And so, in the grand tradition of men everywhere, he decided the best way to make his son love him was to rape him.

"Haru…" his father said, putting his hands on Haru's shoulders in a creepy manner. "It's time you became a man. My man."

"W-what are you saying?" Haru said, his eyes taking on that haunted and ukey look that made the Earth Kingdom troops take him back to their lair. Haru's father turned on the charm that had snagged him Haru's mother, and leant forward to whisper:

"Your virgin ass is mine, son."

"Father, no! I must keep myself pure for my bride-to-be!" Haru cried. But his father did not stop, instead he only got naked. Haru looked down and saw his father was already, if you will pardon the pun, rock hard.

So he did what came naturally: he reached out his hand, and crushed his father's balls into fine dust.

After that, everyone in the village agreed that no matter how rapeable Haru looked, no male was ever going to get even slightly naked near him.


End file.
